Journal Entry #3-The Desire

"I'm not too late, I'm not too late," I kept trying to reassure myself as I pulled into the parking lot of my coworker and her husbands Church. Worship service started at 9:00am, looking at the time on my watch, it read 10:55am. "I should be a shame of myself,"I thought as I gathered my things, heading to the entrance of the church. The atmosphere was set. The presence of God is surely in this place. The sister I sat next to motioned her opened bible towards me, to share. She had such an sweet yet strong spirit about herself, and later to find out, a powerful testimony.

I was all ears, taking in The Word ....

"Pray the Desire" my Spirit man leaped! It was like a bell went off in my head. Thats! It! The Desire! Thats it! As the Man of God began to teach the sermon he had prepared, I couldn't help but get excited. Then he repeated himself, "Pray The Desire ..."

Let's rewind a bit to weeks after giving birth to Evelyn, it was a blurry transition. I felt so far away from God. My quiet times with Jesus was filled with self condemnation. I couldn't get pass Praise and Worship. There would be days that I didn't make it to The Word. I would wallow in self pity. Although, I needed the rest, I felt guilty for resting, and so out of place for not being able to go to church. I was transitioning into Motherhood that took some getting use to. I felt so SO far away from God. I needed to ignite the fire again. I was slowly fizzing away.

And so I thought ...

I recall going back to Sunday Worship Service just four weeks after giving birth to Evelyn and a handful of members thought I was crazy for being back so soon. They had no idea how desperately I needed to be back in the House of The Lord and to be among the fellowship of other believers. Although, afterwards I stayed away for another couple of weeks before returning back to my normal routine, that one visit back, was LIFE!

Ok, back to the Journal entry ...

After service was dismissed, I got in my car and drove home. On cloud nine. "What a great Revelation," I thought. All of this time, I'd been fondling around and in a fog, not quit understanding why I couldn't get it together and get back the passion I once had for The Word ... why it was so hard to stay focused in prayer. Oh I could go on and on ...

We lack the desire to commune with our Savior. Yes, we lack the desire to go to church on Sundays and Worship, but we can make it to family gatherings though. We lack the desire to fellowship with other sisters in Christ, but we can hang around our co workers for hours, hang onto those ungodly and unfit relation/friendships that we know need to be put to rest. We lack the desire to give, to sow, to serve,- let's be honest, we get stingy, lazy, and just flat out bored with the work of ministry. We lack the desire to fast. Sis, we just lack the desire. We lack the desire to have intimacy our Savior, our Lord, or Provider, our very best friend.

So where do I go from here?

Pray It! Yes! Ask God to give you the hunger, thirst, and desire to get into his Word and presence. According to Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you." We have not because we ask not. God is not hiding his face from you or covering his ears from your prayers. Will you always feel like praying? No. We're in the flesh. Our feelings are promised to get in the way. I left service that day feeling ignited and fired up. I got back on my face and asked God to give me the burning desire, a taunting hunger, and unquenchable thirst for him. The desire I once had, doesn't hold a match to the the crave he has given me now. And he's going to do the very same for you.

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank You for giving your daughters the desire to seek your face, to study your word, and to get closer to you. Lord they desire a closer walk with you, a deeper relationship, and an unshakable bond. Thank you for meeting each and everyone of them exactly where they are and granting them the very desire of their heart, more of YOU. Amen.

Jesus Is Just That Good,

Pamelia Walker